I paused today as I left his preschool.
Other kids, wholly engaged, answering the questions and watching the teacher’s every move.
Him sitting at the end staring off at something only he knows exists.
It shatters my heart into ten million pieces on the floor to see. The self doubt begins to creep in. “Are we doing the right thing? What if he needs to be in the special needs program? Why can’t he just pay attention?”
Then he catches my eyes and smiles. Not with his mouth, but with his eyes.
I know he knows me, I know he sees me. I know he gets that I am his partner on this journey. That I’m his guide. But there’s so much more out there beyond me I want him to see. The trees. The birds. The friends. The experiences.
What if he doesn’t see them? Will he ever?
He sees Thomas. And Percy and James. And his kindle. and the iPad.
I look, and I see potential. He’s fucking brilliant.
I love every ounce of him. I love what he’s teaching us on this journey.
Some days I wish it didn’t break my heart every step of the way though.
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