Fourth Grade

When I think about fourth grade- I will think about the year things changed.

We didn’t know much going into this year- nothing about his teacher, only one friend in his class that we knew of.

It was a rough start. There was a day so rough in the beginning that a great friend Brought him a treat after school because she heard he needed cheering up.

Even with the rough start- he kept at it. We kept at it. There were no tears in the mornings. He started retelling parts of his day. He made friends. He did group projects, he did individual projects. He generally kicked ass. Did I mention he made friends?

When they tell you that your kid is on the autism spectrum, they will undoubtedly mention that your child will have trouble connecting with others. What we’ve learned in the last 8.5 years is that he actually wants to connect- but he happens to be the most discerning person alive, and when he realizes you’re worth his time, effort, and heart investment- he’s in. All in, 100% in.

But this year? He did it- he found his people. He made connections. He learned classmate’s mates, and they became friends. He participated in class discussions. He went from passive participant in school to active participant.

He didn’t do it alone. He’s been surrounded and supported by an incredible team, and this year- the teacher we didn’t know? She’s phenomenal. She created a classroom environment where everyone could thrive- including him. And these kids in class with him? They didn’t judge him. They helped him learn their names. They came alongside him instead of leaving him in the corner. There was a ringleader, sure- she showed them the depths of his personality and his sense of humor, and for that I will be eternally grateful. But they all wanted to be a part of his crew.

When I think about fourth grade, I’ll think about all the things he did- the ones he didn’t do it alone. I’ll think about the fact that this was the year when the conversation changed from “how do we fix/address these issues he has” (you know, like ones that are deeply engrained into his DNA) to “we’re going to make this work for him.” I’ll think about the fact that the only time I cried tears this year were happy ones. I’ll think about the fact that at times, it’s felt like a big dark tunnel- this whole journey of raising a kid on the spectrum in a public school. But the light is there, and dare I say it’s shining brightly?

Mostly, I will think about it with gratefulness in my heart. For his persistent teacher who held him to a high standard, and always believed he was competent no matter the task. For his classmates, for seeing a friend and not a nusiance, for your patience and encouragement, and for embracing him for who he is as a person. For that ring leader, who just with her presence unveils parts of him he usually reserves for those closest to him.

So here’s to fourth grade.

May there be many more years like this that follow.