Ahoy Blue Sailor: The Origin Story

When we got the call that Dave had passed, we began planning our trip to say goodbye immediately. It was the first time our kids had been to a memorial, and I wrestled with how much or how little to explain to them. Seton had already been diagnosed with autism, and Riley was a just turned six year old Kindergartner who was excited about getting to travel by airplane, and confused about meeting a bunch of family she never knew existed. The thing about this family that I married into and have since added two children to- it doesn’t matter if you knew they existed or not, as soon as you set foot in a room, there’s enough love to carry you through to the next several decades of your life. 

And so it was- we spent 4 days in Wisconsin, saying goodbye to Dave, surrounded by family, bathing in so much love you almost forgot that sadness was the reason we had been brought together.

Fast forward several years later, and the same family members found ourselves together for a wedding- and then another wedding later that same summer. It was always the same story- haven’t seen you in years, but it always feels like you’ve never missed a day. I thought it was  an anomaly held just for the family- turns out I couldn’t have been more wrong.

When Alex proposed to Gabi, we all had a feeling we’d be headed to Greece- it was just a matter of when and where. It wasn’t a question as to whether or not we were going- I told Ken it was non negotiable. Family shows up, and we were going to show up for Gabi no matter where we had to go. So we did- and what transpired over 7 days in Greece was something I’ve spent a large portion of the last month of my life trying to put into words that could somewhat adequately convey the love and togetherness that we all experienced. This social media era that we live in made me feel like I’d just not officially met Alex and Gabi’s friends- despite the fact that they hailed from literally all over the globe. I’m a social person- the worst year of my life was the only year I lived alone, so throwing ourselves into talking with all of these friends was one of the best things about the trip. It wasn’t even casual, surfacy conversations- it was deep shit! We talked about where everyone was in their lives, what they dreamed of doing…we talked about Dave. Most of them had never had the opportunity to meet Dave, but here they were doing just what Dave had always done for Gabi and Karen and everyone else in their lives: show up and give all the love you can.

So we did- we gathered on the beach during the day, sharing gyros and drinks, and at night, we celebrated the incredible love that Gabi and Alex had found, while floating on this insane love cloud we were all on. 

The night of the wedding was, no exaggeration one of the best nights of my life. We cried, we danced, we hugged, we laughed, we toasted to an undeniable once in a lifetime love that Alex and Gabi had found, we toasted to family, existing and new, we cheers-ed with Ouzo and Aperol Spritz…so many Aperol Spritz. 

Have you ever had shin splints from dancing at a wedding? That is the level of epic-ness we were dealing with at this wedding. 

I spent days trying to figure out why it felt the way it had the whole time we were in Greece. The bridal party and all of their friends who traveled consisted of some of the most incredible human beings I’ve ever met- their day jobs are all impressive and sound like you’re rattling off an alumni “who’s who” list from a prestigious university, but what the coolest and best part about them all was they were freaking radical and amazing and GOOD humans. And they were LOVE. Sometimes in a group of people that large, you’ll have drama or behind the back gossip- not a freaking ounce of it. When I met Gabi the first time, she had just turned 21 and was this beaming pillar of light and happiness- when I met Alex for the first time, Dave had just died and he did anything and everything he could for all of us in those days. I realized that these were two of the best people I’ve ever known, and in turn- they had assembled on this island in Greece, some of the best people in the entire world. Good attracts good- it was happening right in front of my eyes. And the whole thing was just full of so much love- the same love Alex and Gabi had, the love of each family, the love these friends all clearly have for each other- it was awe inspiring, and dare I say life changing. 

When we boarded a plane to leave Greece, I found myself lost in thought. It felt familiar- the love tunnel we had just been walking through. Then it hit me. 

Seton was diagnosed with autism just two and a half months after his second birthday. We have blazed somewhat of our own path as we’ve traveled this road, and been through different therapists, some who left because they moved, some who we moved on from because it wasn’t a great fit. But the common thread sewn in all of them? Love- a love and passion for their chosen career, which they weren’t in for the money but because they wanted to see the kids they served succeed. And it’s never been just about the career- these therapists invest their time, money, and hearts into seeing our kids succeed. It’s all about love. And the choices we’ve made, the detours we’ve taken, but most of all the love that the people we’ve surrounded him with- have made all the difference in his life.

For the past several months I’ve had the overwhelming feeling that I need to use the knowledge, the experience, and the passion i have for helping families of special needs kiddos in our area to good use. I wasn’t sure what that looked like, but I started doing research. I landed on a non profit to support these families. And just like that, Ahoy Blue Sailor (the nonprofit at least- this blog has been around since 2014) was born. 

While the paperwork and legal “stuff” is still being processed, this is what I can tell you: as a family who had a young child that was diagnosed early on in his life with autism in Gig Harbor, our area is severely under-supported. For 2 years we drove to Tacoma for speech twice a week- and not just over the bridge, we were going 30 minutes into Tacoma which meant 2 hours a week just spent driving. We’ve driven 3 hours round trip to get Riley to a SibShops workshop in Renton after some super inquisitive conversations led to her wanting to be around more people who got it. I hate the lack of opportunities for families in our area to be around more young families who get “it”. So, Ahoy Blue Sailor is going to work to change all of that. 

No, we won’t exist in a physical location, (at least not yet) and yes, I may have lost my mind taking on another thing in my life that’s going to require my time and effort. I joked with a friend that I was really lacking something to fill the 430 AM-6 AM time slot in my life, so this was it. I’ve got a few things that I’ve brainstormed and are in the works, but stay tuned for more information. 

Why this? And why now? 

Seton was 18 months when I made a phone call to Early Intervention and requested an evaluation. Everyone around me declared him to be “fine” and questioned why i was worried. When the evaluation was completed, he qualified in every category possible- EVERY developmental area to receive services. I wasn’t sure what to do, so we did what they told us to. We knew he needed speech and OT, Early Intervention provided the speech and we found private OT services. “Development delay” and “Sensory dysfunction” were phrases that got thrown around a lot. I was optimistic, but six months later we were in a developmental pediatrician’s office being told our son met the diagnostic criteria for autism. As the years have passed and I’ve grown and I’ve learned more about myself and about Seton and about autism in general- I’ve always wished I had could have done more four years ago. I wish I knew more earlier. I wish when we opted out of the district preschool more than just our ABA therapist was telling us that was our decision to make and it was okay. I wish I could put him in sports without having to fill out the “additional information” section on the registration form. I wish I didn’t have to explain “he has autism” to random people at the park. And maybe I don’t- maybe that’s more about me and my unresolved shit than anything else. But here’s what I do know- if there had been something in existence that was ready to walk alongside us and help us navigate this path near our town when we sat in that doctor’s office and learned that raising our son was about to take a left turn, it would have changed a lot of things- for me and for him. 

So that’s it- Ahoy Blue Sailor which started out as a blog (and technically still is until we get the formal approval paperwork) is changing. BUT- there will still be blog posts. Writing has always been one of my therapy releases and I’ve vowed to go back to that this year. There are many things on my list- and coming down the pipeline. So stay tuned. Thank you to the people I’ve bounced this off of in the last few months- for listening to my ramblings and and pushing me to stop talking about it and just do it. Thank you to Ken, who is the best partner I could imagine on this journey. Thank you to the Trio, who continue to change me and challenge me to be better, all the while supporting me endlessly. Thank you to Dale, who made me speak this into fruition over a lunch of tacos and Cokes. Thank you to Alex and Gabi, for bringing together an incredible group of people who inspired me to finally pull the trigger and make this more than just an idea. Thank you to Karen- for inspiring us all to keep going, no matter what life throws at us and to do it with all the love and best intentions in your heart. Thank you to Uncle Dave- who stormed into Doug and Sally’s house at Christmas and said “gimme that baby” and so I handed over my 8 week old, because that’s who Uncle Dave was. 

And thank you to Seton- when you were 2 weeks old, our doctor told us you were a “4th trimester baby”. When you were six months old, she told us you just really loved your Momma. I think we’re now in the 25th trimester and you do still love your Momma, so she wasn’t wrong about either of those things. Nobody has ever challenged me like you do, but nobody in my life has ever loved me like you do either. Thanks for choosing us, thank you for being you no matter the cost, and most of all thank you for being the source of inspiration of Ahoy Blue Sailor. I love you buddy, maybe more than you love Sprite and French Fries.

Oh- and the name? Well- you just have to wait to find out where that came from.