Football and Rage

“We don’t know what he’ll look like in the future- emotional and social issues are common in children on the autism spectrum.” I remember the developmental pediatrician saying the day Seton was diagnosed. He continued on telling us about how he may have difficulty relating to other people, even ones who are close to him. 

 Let me tell you about this kid- he feels BIG. One of his most commonly used phrases when he’s upset is I AM RAGE- and I love the phrase, because haven’t we all been there? When you’re so pissed off at something, a person, a situation- you’re not just feeling it, it BECOMES YOU. The opposite is true- when he’s happy, the excitement literally bubbles over him and comes out of his hands that you might mistake him for a bird trying to take flight. As big as he feels- happy or sad, those reactions have typically been reserved for Disneyland fireworks, playing a new video game in a crowded Best Buy on Black Friday, rain when we’re leaving for school in the mornings, or being forced to wear pants. 

So when I got this text message from him a few weeks ago, I was concerned.

I had just left the house to run an errand when his name popped up on my phone- and then I saw the angry faces. I facetimed him and was met with his ugly cry face and loud sobs. 

“YOU DID NOT TURN ON FOOTBALL!!” he yelled. 

It was Tuesday night- there wasn’t any football to TURN on, and I explained as much to him. He kept crying and hung up on me. Riley called me a few minutes later and explained that she heard him crying and asked why he was crying. 

“BECAUSE THERE IS NO FOOTBALL ON FOR MOMMA!!” he yelled. 

“Why do you want football on for Momma??” asked Riley. 

“BECAUSE FOOTBALL IS THE BEST SHOW FOR MOMMA!!” he responded. 

If you know me well, even if you don’t know me well- I LOVE football. When you’re raised in Canton, Ohio, it just happens. When you go to Ohio State, it happens on an even deeper level. When our kids were infants and Ohio State was playing, Ken wouldn’t let me hold them, and with good reason. I’m loud (louder than usual), passionate- much like someone else I know. When a game goes well, I can’t stop smiling about it- when a game doesn’t go well, I refuse to watch Sports Center for days. Seton is actually named after one of Dan Patrick’s ‘Danettes’- and Gus (our giant goldendoodle) is named after former OSU Running back Zeke Elliot. (Gustopher Ezekiel) So football has been in Seton’s life since the womb, literally. When the NFL agreed to play a season this year- I was ecstatic. When the B10 decided to play, I was even MORE ecstatic. Our mornings this year have been spent watching NFL Network’s “Good Morning Football” as we get ready for school- and Seton now refers to them as my friends. On the morning they were back in the studio together- he yelled “MOMMA YOUR FRIENDS ARE NOT ON A CALL ANYMORE!” One of the weekly segments is called “Angry Runs” and he told me one morning on the way to school that “YOUR FRIEND WHO WAS YELLING IS RAGE.” 

One of the other things the experts will tell you about your child with autism is they’ll have trouble connecting with people- with YOU, relating to others, understanding- and your kid might, for a few years. 

But you know what? There’s nothing like the moment you realize after all this time, when you thought he wasn’t paying attention- he knew what was going on all this time. And not just that- but he cares- and he wants you to be happy. 

Just remember- the experts might be right. But they might also be very wrong.